Happy Twenty Ten!!

Last night, I reflected on the last 15 years of life, through my journals.  I laughed out loud and cried equally as much.   Now, I KNOW I am not alone when it comes to reflection of the past and the dreams of the future. 

While reading my journals, I rediscovered that I am a very happy and joyful person all the way to the core of my inner soul.  I "thought" the prior statement was lost somewhere within me, hard to access like a scratched record.  In fact, it was never lost, nor hard to access.  I access it daily. 

The major thing that I keep revisiting in my mind and through the journals, is called "CARE".   My counselor told me once, or five times, that I care too much.  What?!!  How could anyone not care too much for others and life in general?   Looking back on the journals...I told me one thing, yep, I care much, and love deeply.  I still don't think that is necessarily a "bad" thing, but I do know it was a source of unhappiness...especially in the last 2 years. 

My personal opinion is that it's not the caring that causes unhappiness...it's the sense of not being able to immediately fix the things we care about. My own personal belief is that if we dedicate ourselves to handling our part we should be happy that we are making a difference (even if in just a small way) and accept that not every problem can or will be fixed by our efforts alone. We can hope, however, that our action might inspire others to do the same.

I can't fix several things that I "wish" could be fixed

• I can't fix the fact that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia
• I can't fix the broken marriage...lord knows I tried and wanted to.  (this has been a huge source of sadness over what might have been.  But neither of us were the perfect Virgo)
• I can't fix the fact that my son died
• I can't fix the past of myself or others

Although, I WISH I could change all of the above things the fact is..."It is what it is."  and "it" is LIFE.  Say it outloud, Life is what Life is.  Profound, huh?!!

I took this picture in September.  It had a very profound effect on me, because we can have things that can bind us in life, but we do not have to be bound by it to continue to bloom.

What I Can do...

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  Put RA in the back pocket (although, I'd like to hock it!)  and accept the change.  I will not let it define me nor continue to tell me that I am "damaged goods
  
  
  
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  Allow others back in
  
  
  
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  Never lose who I am again
  
  
  
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  Soften my heart and let go of the learned fear to love again
  
  
  
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  Always, always remember the love, laughter and joy that a child can bring to life daily.  And TEACH them how to love and care for others by example
  
  
  

So with a new year..."We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day."
Edith Lovejoy Pierce.

Name Change

Yesterday, my dad called me Little Miss Muffet. It took me home, to a time in childhood, when life was simple and uncomplicated.

It felt good.

My dearest friends called (and still do) me Weenie. For years, I had a license plate that had the letters "WeKnee".
I used to watch people in the rear view mirror...trying to sound it out...then show a snicker, or all out laugh.

Life was simple then too!

So, today I decided to change the name of my blog! It will bring new life and laughter to the blog. Anyone want to post some good jokes???

Have a beautiful Saturday....
Arlene
aka Little Miss Muffet or Weenie ;)