Happy Twenty Ten!!

Last night, I reflected on the last 15 years of life, through my journals.  I laughed out loud and cried equally as much.   Now, I KNOW I am not alone when it comes to reflection of the past and the dreams of the future. 

While reading my journals, I rediscovered that I am a very happy and joyful person all the way to the core of my inner soul.  I "thought" the prior statement was lost somewhere within me, hard to access like a scratched record.  In fact, it was never lost, nor hard to access.  I access it daily. 

The major thing that I keep revisiting in my mind and through the journals, is called "CARE".   My counselor told me once, or five times, that I care too much.  What?!!  How could anyone not care too much for others and life in general?   Looking back on the journals...I told me one thing, yep, I care much, and love deeply.  I still don't think that is necessarily a "bad" thing, but I do know it was a source of unhappiness...especially in the last 2 years. 

My personal opinion is that it's not the caring that causes unhappiness...it's the sense of not being able to immediately fix the things we care about. My own personal belief is that if we dedicate ourselves to handling our part we should be happy that we are making a difference (even if in just a small way) and accept that not every problem can or will be fixed by our efforts alone. We can hope, however, that our action might inspire others to do the same.

I can't fix several things that I "wish" could be fixed

• I can't fix the fact that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia
• I can't fix the broken marriage...lord knows I tried and wanted to.  (this has been a huge source of sadness over what might have been.  But neither of us were the perfect Virgo)
• I can't fix the fact that my son died
• I can't fix the past of myself or others

Although, I WISH I could change all of the above things the fact is..."It is what it is."  and "it" is LIFE.  Say it outloud, Life is what Life is.  Profound, huh?!!

I took this picture in September.  It had a very profound effect on me, because we can have things that can bind us in life, but we do not have to be bound by it to continue to bloom.

What I Can do...

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  Put RA in the back pocket (although, I'd like to hock it!)  and accept the change.  I will not let it define me nor continue to tell me that I am "damaged goods
  
  
  
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  Allow others back in
  
  
  
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  Never lose who I am again
  
  
  
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  Soften my heart and let go of the learned fear to love again
  
  
  
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  Always, always remember the love, laughter and joy that a child can bring to life daily.  And TEACH them how to love and care for others by example
  
  
  

So with a new year..."We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day."
Edith Lovejoy Pierce.

Daybreak brings on a whole new light!

Waking up today was wonderful! I reflected on life and the people who have touched me deeply before I even got out of bed.

Some of the people I love deeply...

GOD FIRST

• Lee, the man I gave my heart to.
• Raymond and Andre, my two sons.
• Arley, my brother, even though he is a brat at times!
• Marsha you make me laugh!
  Tam and Dix...you both know why!
• My parents for giving me life and teaching me values.
• Chris, never met you physically but you are so cool!
  

This list will change, as every day, I love others!

I started thinking about how a sunrise can bring so much joy on Monday and by Wednesday it can bring tears of sorrow.

Two things that are really in my mind today are...

1. How are relationships and friendships cultivated and maintained?
2. What is the deal with my dogs?

So with those thoughts in my mind, this is what I came up with.

Relationships and friendships can only be cultivated by words. Strength comes in the form of words, be it outloud or within our own mind. Many of my friends are great talkers and we can carry on conversations for HOURS without even a pause for a breath. While others think about what they are going to say and if it will be said "right" that they don't even get a chance to speak, before I have butted in another thought, which immediately confuses the thinker all over again.

Next has to come feeling behind those words. Feelings are sometimes scary. And we often get caught up in the "feeling side" and suddenly become fearful of the unknown. We know the feelings we have create a ripple effect that resonates to others. Yet so often, we forget that the person we are talking to is, in fact, a human being with feelings.

Along with counseling, I have been doing several things to try to learn from the above. One of which is Intentional Living. http://www.theintentionallife.com/ I am learning to live with intention and this is becoming a interesting journey for me. Check it out sometime!

I have also been doing some resonance repatterning. This is based on energy and process of healing. As we grow up we are surronded with beliefs and emotions of others. If our life is surronded with negative or ill feelings, it will resonate into our adult life and we line ourselves with the only thing we know...the known, the similiar patterns of our lives. So, as adults, we need to relearn our patterns, beliefs and emotions by setting inner goals with positive intentions in our lives and how we affect others. Here is a great article on repatterning. http://www.soothingminds.co.uk/Articles.aspx?artid=118

Now to the dogs...
I have 3 dogs, two of which are female. Now these girls have discovered that the "new" dog is different! OMG. Tassa, my middle child, has taken a liking to Mack the newest addition to the family. (He is 10 weeks old) Now, I am not talking about a liking in a friendship kind of way. She is strutting her little Chihuahua stuff all around this puppy! Everytime they are outside a little ritutial has started. This involves her straddeling him...picture to follow...as this is too funny!

Ahh the life of dogs. It made my day to see these two play!

So for now, give yourself permission to receive gifts that come to you...both inside and out!

What you resist; persists. Stop resisting!!!

Have a blessed day!